Authintimacy in Relationships

The Magical Framework to (Re)Build Relationships Upon

Every relationship, whether budding anew or decade(s) old, has challenges. That’s part of life! If everything were easy, there would be no growth. Those challenges either push us to grow (learn about ourselves and the other) or to retreat (fear/anger/victim are the biggies).

Note: If you were looking for the secret recipe where everything was roses and glitter, there are plenty of others who will spoon feed you. The School For Love was founded to support doing the hard work so we stop spinning our wheels repeating the same patterns — in order to evolve individually and in our relationships!

Let's start by calling out the 6 primary areas that challenge relationships, especially new ones. Recognize any that have followed you around?

The Authintimacy framework was developed to address the two biggies, upon which everything else rests in relationship — whether romantic or sibling or parent/child.

Now before you and your tongue “trip” on the word, Authintimacy looks more difficult to pronounce than it really is. Just say “intimacy” three times, then add “auth” and say “intimacy again”. Then roll it together: “auth-intimacy” and you’ve got it.

So what is Authintimacy? It’s an outbound/inbound loop that creates magic.

Authenticity (Think Outbound)

The important part here is knowing one’s self — really owning our gifts and our sh*t. Letting people see the “you” inside, rather than hiding behind your image and history (that image you have always presented to the world takes substantial energy to maintain, whereas expressing your true self takes only courage to muster).

Questions you can ask yourself to build your authenticity:

❤️ What activities and people bring me pleasure and joy?

❤️ What parts of myself do I hide from others?

❤️ What has it cost me to maintain this image with friends/family/community?

Intimacy (Think Inbound)

Note: You are always at choice — I am not advocating you trust everyone or even any one. We’ve all been hurt and harbor some degree of trauma, no matter how much work we’ve done on ourselves. So this concept is about

allowing connection with whomever you decide is worth it.

How much you allow someone else “in” is directly proportional to your trust. Some of us walk around with an invisible shield that’s impenetrable; others have no shield and regularly get hurt. There’s a tuning process over time, with intention.

Questions you can ask yourself to develop your intimacy capacity:

❤️ How do I feel when someone I care for knows my weaknesses?

❤️ How do I want to feel in a caring, loving relationship?

❤️ How can I accept life unfolding organically rather than me managing it all?


These exercises are great for yourself, and even better when done in relationship. The two in conjunction, which we call Authintimacy, represents the gateway to co-creation and collaboration that many aspire to, yet few reach.

The School For Love will soon be offering its first Authintimacy workshop for couples. If you liked this article and see potential for your relationship, you'll want to get on the notification list below for forthcoming material!

Use the Authintimacy Framework in Your Relationship(s)

We'll let you know when our new course is available!

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